"Droughts"

I was waiting for your love to hit me

like warm rays of sunshine on a summer day.

How silly was I?

I was waiting for your love to hit me

even though I knew you could never give me light.

I knew—oh, I knew.

That didn’t stop me from hoping, though.

It is many summers later,

and I still wait for your love to hit me

like warm rays of sunshine after a long period of rain.

I’m a little silly,

that I know for sure,

but I cannot convince myself otherwise

to believe you were not worth waiting for.

--; August 7th, 2013

Do you remember that feeling of falling in love with someone whom you thought would never return your affections? Or at least, someone who would never return them in the right manner--the way you want them to.

It's the silly thing about love: how it just strikes with no regard to how you are or what you really want. You sort of love and that's the end of that. You can't force yourself to fall in love with someone, and if you have, I imagine it wasn't exactly carefree or fun. Of course things happen, like they always do. Love happens, like it always will. It'll strike when you don't expect it to, and it'll leave you with all these feelings you can't even begin to explain. You'll feel like a wreck and you'll feel like the luckiest person alive. All. At. The. Same. Time.

I wrote this a while back when my relationship was on the rocks. A lot of things had gone wrong and I didn't exactly know how to set them right, or what would make things right again. All I knew was that I spent over a year with him, and so much love couldn't just fade away with mistakes--no matter how big of a mistake they were. So, we spent the months following trying to work it all out. I wanted it to work, and though a lot of people thought it was sort of time to let go (even me, from time to time), we held on and tried to make the most of the mistakes and the time we had. Because, we still loved each other, and whatever shortcomings there were on either side, we were determined to work out. 

Love is sort of crazy and unbelievable. But, I've loved him for twenty months now, and I'd like to believe that I'll love him twenty years later and then some.