"Our Own"

Books.
They surrounded us.
The smell of paper
     as the world filled our visions
     with books.
We heard the whispers
     of the people
     in discussion
     of what happened
     and who's the favorite character.
You remembered all of this,
     but I did not.
I didn't care enough
     to remember.
I only thought back,
     when you asked,
     to the library where
     we hid from
     the adults--
escaping to our own world.
Do you remember?
I spoke to you
     and for once,
     you took me seriously.
The tension was clear.
You never expected,
     and neither did I,
     until just a few days before
     when I realized
     I could not
     forget your smile
     even as you walked away.

Pages.
We flipped through the
     pages of the books
     in the library,
     always examining
     to see if any of it was
     ever going to be
     good enough
     to take up our effort
     and time.
I saw the way you smirked
     as you read a comedic
     line.
I never forgot
     about that.
I could never.

Shelves.
The world around us
     spun as we crashed
     into the shelves.
At least,
     my world spun.
I saw fireworks,
     even though
     it was impossible
     in the library--
the laws were too strict
     to ever allow for so much noise.
Music was not allowed,
     but we found music
     in each other's voices.
At least,
     I found music in yours.
I was never sure
     when it came to you.

Covers.
It was always done
     this way.
We would always read
     cover to cover,
     side by side.
You sat beside me,
     resting your head
     against mine
     and I would never notice
     until I realized
     I could never
     forget you.
The books formed
     our bond;
the pages
     to our story
     had no deeper
     meaning
     than what was written--
at least it was that way
     to you;
the shelves stood
     tall for us--
for me--
to lean against
     when the world
     kept spinning.
All
     because
          of
               you.


--; February 8th, 2013

I wrote this to capture the essence of a first love that blooms from close friendship.
The speaker is a boy--but you can make him to be any gender you like--who falls in love with his friend whom he has spent many days going in and out of the library with.
You can decide for yourself if it's a reciprocated love, haha.

"Love, Actually"

You give me commas
     and tell me to pause.
Say that everything
     I do
     goes a little too fast.
I need the pause,
          apparently.
To me, it's unfortunate
     but I suppose it's rather lucky
because you simply gave me commas,
     instead of ending it all
     with a period.

I give you semi-colons,
     and say that we're never meant to end.
But you think I'm an idiot
     for believing in such
          faithless things.
Is it wrong, though?
     I'd give you all my patience
     and all my love
     just for a moment
where you'd see all my semi-colons
     and wished I gave you more.


--; May 17th, 2013

This is a poem inspired by e.e. cummings's poem, "since feeling is first".
I read it in my sophomore year of high school when my English teacher was absent.
I didn't write this poem until over a year later when I was dating Traine. I think I wrote it because we had very different definitions of what love was supposed to be at the time, and it disappointed me.

"Raging Waters"

The rain dissipates
into vapor
as the flames
sears at its touch,
consuming the flowers.
Petal by petal,
they burned away.
Leaving behind ashes,
     memories,
for me to bury
within the dirt.

This was the desecrated
ground:
nothing holy,
     nothing light.
Just imperfection
so close to perfection,
that it turned into
nothing more,
     nothing less,
than cinder.

Charring my skin
as I reached out for
what was left.
But nothing remained.
I was simply
scarred
by the memories
of the flowers
flared in life,
and disintegrated
by death.

The waters could
not calm,
     never quell,
the anger of the
fire.
Sensations
rushed through my body,
electrifying me,
as I saw it all happen.

The garden,
     an epitome of beauty,
          grace,
          love,
          hope,
died in my eyes.
I stood by
watching,
unable to stop it
as it happened.
Watched
as I was left behind
by the beauty,
     grace,
     love,
and hope.


--; April 10th, 2013

I wrote this for my Twin.
He wrote a poem about flowers burning and requested that I wrote something in response--which I did. This was the result of it: a poem about despair and lost hope.
We portray flowers to be beautiful and glistening. To bring up the concept of flowers that burn, we are, more or less, attempting to destroy all that the flowers represent.
That's what I took it as, anyway.

"The Boy with Nightmares"

Do you know about the girl
     who dreams?
Her eyes remind me
     of summer
     and make me fall in love.
But she said her dreams
     caused her to see winter.

Do you know about the girl
     who dreams?
Her voice gives me
     peace
     when chaos ensues.
But she said her dreams
     caused her to be mute.

Do you know about the girl
     who dreams?
Her smiles speak to me
     even though
     no words are said.
But she said her dreams
     caused her to cry.

Do you know about the girl
     who dreams?
Her memories bring me
     tears
     when I’m aware.
She said her dreams
     caused her to leave.


--; October 17th, 2013

I'm actually not sure where the concept for this poem came from.
I think I thought about my boyfriend at the time--and that referred to the dark fog that used to constantly hover over my head--and I thought about all the times that he became really sad when I felt hopeless.
It led me to the conclusion of this poem: ...it'd be a memory he'd never forget if I disappeared.
The title is supposed to be a response to the repeated line of "Do you know about the girl / who dreams?" as a means of showing contrast. Even though she dreamed, he was haunted by her absence and despair. It's supposed to further the idea that even though she dreamed, her dreams--while not nightmares--were disturbing enough to corrupt her.

022514: Sorry!

I know I said on Sunday that I'd have it out in a few hours, but deadlines are approaching and I'm basically doomed until Thursday.

I still have my queue up and prepared though, for those of you who still like my poetry.
I might queue up a few more of my short stories, too.
So, please forgive me Dx

"How We Turned Out"

You were
my rainbows
and butterflies.
You were
so magical,
and oh so beautiful.

It’s not like
I was blind
or anything.
I saw you
for your flawed
features
and loved you
for your kind
and gentle
heart
that was wrapped
up in layers
of protection.

Time can do
the worst
of things
to people
with kindness
in their eyes,
and I can’t help
but think
that it was
what happened
to you.

But you were
magical
to me.
And now,
you are
simply you
to me:
my comfort
,
my rain
,
my vast ocean.
So full
of emotion
—and possibility.

--; January 8th, 2014
This is quite possibly my favorite poem to date.
I don't have much to say about it, other than the fact that it was written with my boyfriend in mind.
And in case you guys didn't know, I don't really write poetry with anyone in mind other than an idea (and sometimes myself). Lol. So, yeah. I suppose you can call this a partial dedication to Traine. Haha.
I hope you like it, because I really do. :)

"Not What You Think"

Let’s talk about the girl
with broken bones
and no skin
on her body
without miles of scars
running races across
her healing tissues.

She has no
broken dreams.

--January 9th, 2014

This is a poem to show empowerment. It is supposed to tell a story of someone who has been through a lot, but even still, she managed and she survived. Still, even more than just surviving, she lived.

I think that's what's supposed to make this poem beautiful. That is why I wrote it.

I always love the "plot twisting" ideas, after all. Hah.

022314: AE Housman

I'm currently working on a project for my poetry class and I've chosen the poem "Oh who is that young sinner with the handcuffs on his wrists?" by AE Housman. I'm actually not too sure about the title of the poem, because I've gotten different sources saying different things (they'd either say its title is what I just type or it is "The Colour of His Hair"). Ah, well. In my essay, I will be referring to it as "The Colour of His Hair" because it is shorter (and sounds better to me), though I know the likelihood of that actually being its original title is very small (these nineteenth century poets seem to never title their poems @_@).

I thought I'd share the poem with you guys, because I honestly love it a lot :)
"Oh who is that young sinner with the handcuffs on his wrists?
And what has he been after, that they groan and shake their fists?
And wherefore is he wearing such a conscience-stricken air?
Oh they’re taking him to prison for the colour of his hair.

‘Tis a shame to human nature, such a head of hair as his;
In the good old time ’twas hanging for the colour that it is;
Though hanging isn’t bad enough and flaying would be fair
For the nameless and abominable colour of his hair.

Oh a deal of pains he’s taken and a pretty price he’s paid
To hide his poll or dye it of a mentionable shade;
But they’ve pulled the beggar’s hat off for the world to see and stare,
And they’re haling him to justice for the colour of his hair.

Now ’tis oakum for his fingers and the treadmill for his feet,
And the quarry-gang on Portland in the cold and in the heat,
And between his spells of labour in the time he has to spare
He can curse the God that made him for the colour of his hair."

There is also another poem by Housman that I love a lot as well, but I ultimately chose to focus on the one shown above instead of this one. I was able to relate more to "The Colour of His Hair" than all the other poems written by him that caught my interest.
This poem is titled "If truth in hearts that perish" and it goes like this:
If truth in hearts that perish
      Could move the powers on high,
I think the love I bear you
      Should make you not to die.

Sure, sure, if stedfast meaning,
      If single thought could save,
The world might end to-morrow,
      You should not see the grave.

This long and sure-set liking,
      This boundless will to please,
 - Oh, you should live for ever
      If there were help in these.

But now, since all is idle,
      To this lost heart be kind,
Ere to a town you journey
      Where friends are ill to find.

I'll be back (most likely in a few hours--after this project is complete) to update on Pokemon! My Way, so see you guys then! :)

"Sweet Innocence"

I pictured a high-spirited
girl
walking into
a cafe
with a boy by her side
who couldn’t get enough
of the way
that she enjoyed
coffee
black and sweet.

--; January 11th, 2014
I wanted to show the innocent side of love. That was all.
I wanted something bubbly. I wanted to show something that no one really sees unless they really observe.
This is what love is to me: it's all the actions we complete unconsciously, simply because we are loving the person whom we complete these actions for.
It's bewitching.

022214: Updates!

Okay!
So I've decided on how I want to write Pokemon! My Way.
Each of the individual chapters will be written in the perspective of a particular character (I will make mention of who the character is in the beginning of the chapter, though as the series progresses, hopefully you won't need the indication because I might get good at making these characters humans with distinct personalities :3). That means it will be first-person narrative~ Yeah yeah~
Some of the chapters may be written in third-person (such as major events that involve a lot of the characters in a lot of ways/things that take place in a lot of different places (because characters can't be in two places at once)).
Because of this thought, it has made my writing experience much simpler. I will be able to get a feel of the characters better and pull out more chapters in the future that will use the original third-person narrative thought. For now, these characters are a bit foreign to me. Though this story line has been living with me for years, I never took the time to jot down scenarios or personalities like I did with my other series. So this will honestly help a lot! And perhaps help you, the reader, relate more often (because I tend to add a lot of second-person narrative to my stories--especially the first-person narrative ones).

Well, see you guys soon!

"Heartbreak in a Nutshell"

My fairytales were your words.
     They were gracious
     and soft
     melancholies
     that made me cry
     no tears.

My fairytales weren't fairytales, at all.
     Your words
     did not have
     a happy ending--
     only
     pretended to.

--; January 13th, 2014
I think this is for all the people who went into a relationship with someone for something that they never received. I won't support you and say that you should have gotten what you wanted from the relationship because I don't really know what it is that you wanted. However, I won't say you were wrong for going into a relationship in order to obtain something, because we all do it. Some of us don't think much about it, whether it's for the pure fact of company or just wanting to feel special to someone--or anything else for that matter. Others will think about it a lot, and wonder if it is right what they are doing, etcetera.
I don't think it is wrong to expect something out of a relationship, especially one where you are giving. However, you should always keep in mind that people are people and each person has their own mind. Just because you do something for them does not mean they need to do something back. You should just follow your heart and what you think is right. What happens along the way will only further add support to the decisions you make, and that's that.

"Seven Colors"

You could have been
as invisible
as the sky.
No true color,
simply a reflection.

You could have been
of raindrops
of the clouds.
Clear and crystal,
simply radiant.

But you weren't.
Instead,
you were
mine.
And you were
brighter
than the clouds,
iridescent as
the sky.
    you were the rainbows

--; January 13th, 2014
Hey lovelies~
I wrote this poem with the idea of love in mind. I thought about the way love was and how blind it was--like, truly, truly blind. It was love that made nothing into everything and everything into nothing. It's a confusing sort of ordeal: love. But, I think everyone who has experienced love can say that the ones they love become everything close to unbelievable and absolutely wonderful.
I try to be unique when I come up with titles, and I really liked the concept of the rainbow (I think I came up with the title before even coming up with the last stanza!) So it was named "Seven Colors" and I think it is quite suiting :) You can make a lot with seven colors of the rainbow. A whole lot.

022014: Updates!

So, I will be setting a queue (I couldn't figure out how before...lol) that will post something by me every day or two between the hours of 9:00 PM to 10:00 PM (Eastern Standard Time).
Updates on Pokemon! My Way will be posted off queue (meaning at a more irregular pace), likely every few days or so. However, I promise to update a chapter a week, at the very least, so please still look forward to it! :)

I've created a section just for Pokemon! My Way chapters, too. Just look to the right and look for the tab that says "Pokemon! My Way". Granted, it will only show the posts in the order of the newest to oldest, but it should be okay! I've also labeled each chapter with their respective names and chapter numbers, so you can always just search them up on my blog~
I also added a section for all my stories (titled "These Words are My Mind") and poems (titled "Let's Call This My Heart"). Yay for easy navigation~ :)
I'll add more sections to the blog as the topics spread and the posts grow in numbers.

Anyways, that's all for now. It's almost 9:00 AM and I haven't slept...LOL. My sleeping habits are really bad...if you haven't noticed before. Good night/morning guys! See you soon :)

Chapter 1: It's Just The Beginning

"Raymin!" a woman called out from the dining room table of a two story house. She set four plates on the table, with breakfast decadents such as pancakes, scrambled eggs, and bacon.
"Yeah?" another voice responded from one of the rooms on the second floor. The sound of a door opening could be heard as the owner of the voice peeped out to look down the stairs. It was a girl with an odd coloration of hair and heterochromic eyes in blue and yellow. Her hair reached her a little above her elbows, with the ends tinted in a shade of midnight blue while her bangs sat on her forehead taking the coloration of a light blonde--almost platinum. In-between the two contrasting colors, she had black hair to serve as a neutral zone. Her right eye was shaded in a deep and vibrant blue, while her left eye was colored a dark and dull shade of yellow--somewhat like the sun on a foggy winter morning.
"Breakfast is ready," the woman clarified as she poured drinks in tall glasses set on the table.
"Okay," Raymin answered, closing her door again only to come back out a few minutes later. She wore a light yellow tank-top with spaghetti straps and a checked dark blue skirt that reached the mid-section of her thighs. On her legs were white colored stockings that stopped an inch from where her skirt reached. Her feet were protected by black colored Mary Janes that added barely a quarter of an inch to her five foot nine posture.
"You excited for today, Raymin?" a male voice asked from the living room sofa. It belonged to a middle-aged man who was reading the newspaper, while simultaneously watching the news on a television screen.
"Yep!" the seventeen-year-old girl happily answered with a smile as she greeted her dad with a "Good morning".
"Where's Richard?" the woman asked. She could be described as a middle-aged woman, though not as old as her husband who sat in the living room, with raven black hair and blue eyes that seemed to space off into a deep purple.
As Raymin sat down at the table, she moved her shoulders up and down in response to her Mom's question.
"I don't know, Michelle. I think he went out to take care of the pokemon at the day-care with Melissa," answered the middle-aged man as he picked himself up to go eat breakfast.
"Oh! I'll be making a stop at the day-care to see all the pokemon before I take off!" Raymin declared as she quickly gulped down her breakfast.
"Try to eat elegantly for once, Ray. You're supposed to be a young lady with manners—not a little monster," said a voice from the outside. A teenage boy revealed himself through an opened door across the dining room, with eyes green as meadows and hair dark as night.
Nearly choking on her food, Raymin drank an entire glass of orange juice in order to move the food stuck in her throat in amidst her panic. "What are you doing here, Alex?" she questioned as she slammed the glass on the table.
"Now, now, Raymin. Be polite," her mother warned her with a stern voice.
"…yes, ma'am."
"Thank you for having me over, auntie." Alex bowed his head down as he greeted the family before walking towards Raymin. "I'm here to pick you up," he spoke with a grin.
"It's no problem, Alex. Take care of her, alright?" Michelle smiled.
"Always."
As Alex's hand took hold of Raymin's, he made a dash for the outside and its blue skies—completely ignoring the girl with daylight paired eyes and her screams of discomfort.



"I can't believe you rushed me off like that. I didn't even have any of my stuff and we had to go back…," Raymin complained to the boy walking in front of her.
The boy had his arms crossed behind his head and simply grinned at Raymin as she complained. "Oh well. It was good exercise."
"…I really want to hit you right now," she said, making one of her hands form into a fist as she glared at Alex.
"Come on, we should hurry. Kevin is waiting for us at the day-care," Alex said, completely ignoring her again.
Suddenly, all anger faded from Raymin's face and was, instead, replaced with confusion as if to display shock. "What? Day-care?"
"Yes, day-care."
"…"
"What's wrong?" Alex questioned, stopping in his path as he no longer heard Raymin walking behind him.
"My day-care?" Raymin asked again, in an attempt to confirm something.
"…what other day-care could we be talking about?" he asked, shooting Raymin a look that almost said 'have you gone insane?'
"Nope. Not going." Raymin turned about face completely and started walking away from where Alex stood.
"Hold up! What do you mean you're not going?" The boy with the meadow-colored eyes chased after Raymin in order to grab hold of her hand which caused her to halt in her steps.
"Melissa might be there…" Raymin turned her head around to look at Alex and say.
"…I already confirmed with Kevin."
With a look of hope in her eyes, Raymin's face suddenly lit up and she smiled joyfully as the rest of her body completely turned back around.
"She is definitely there," Alex said, completely his sentence.
And just like that, the girl with daylight paired eyes disappeared from Alex's vision. All he could do was stare at the trail of scattered dirt she left in her hurry to leave and sigh with a feeling of exhaustion in his mind. As he reached into his jet black messenger bag and pulled out his Pokémon Navigator in order to make a call to someone.
"Hello, Kevin?" Alex began to say. "Yeah. She ran. Probably to the usual spot," he said in a tone of voice that didn't really show concern. "I'm heading to the day-care now, so do you still want to meet up?" As the other line spoke, he nodded his head and finally said, "Alright. See you soon, then," before hanging up.
"Jeez, Raymin. Why must you be so difficult to manage…didn't you say you wanted to go to the day-care in the first place…?" he sighed.



A pokemon with a round, blue body and white cotton-like wings nestled itself on the lap of a teenage boy with hair brighter than the sun and eyes more blue than the sky. He calmly smiled and pet the bird-like pokemon gently, careful not to irritate the two blue feathers that sat atop its head.
"I think she likes you, Kevin," a young woman remarked as she readied herself to sit down beside the blond. She had a facial structure similar to his, with hair in a strawberry blonde color and eyes slightly lighter in shade than his.
"Well, she is mine. I think it's good that she does," he responded.
"Now that she's finally hatched, will you give her a name?" she asked.
"I'll see what the other two have to say about her name. She is sort of theirs too."
"I don't think so. It seems as if she has already imprinted on you," a young man answered from a distance. He held a bowl of food in his hand and placed it beside Kevin.
"Richard is right; it'd be cruel to force her to separate from you at this point." Melissa added.
"I'll just call her Swablu for now…I honestly can't think of an actual name for her," Kevin said.
"Alright. Swablu is fine. It is what she is, anyways," Richard said. "Be sure to feed her breakfast. She has refused to eat a thing since she was hatched last night."
"Don't worry. I got it," Kevin answered with a diligent look on his face.
"By the way, when is my little sister coming here?" Richard asked as he leaned against the door frame that led to the interior of the day-care. His eyes were revealed to be a soft blue color—even lighter than the swablu's—with black hair that seemed to share strands with a color of midnight blue.
"Raymin's coming?!" Melissa asked with a cheerful voice.
"She won't be. It seems she ran off when she found out you were here, Melissa," Kevin responded, nonchalantly.
"…whatdoyoumean?" Melissa questioned, placing both her hands on Kevin's shoulders—nearly signaling that she was ready to shake him down from head to toe.
"You tease her way too much, Melly. There's no way she'd come with Kevin here, too—and Alex accompanying her."
"But she loves me," Melissa cried with what looked like tears forming in her eyes.
"Yes, yes. Of course she does," Richard responded, walking away from his girlfriend of three years—already used to her actions.
"Well…I'm going to go and feed Swablu now." Kevin got up and held the baby bird in his arms he carried the bowl of food away with him to a tree that was situated far from where he was sitting. Melissa was his sister; if Richard was used to the behavior, then he could be considered completely immune.
"Why is everyone so cruel?!" Melissa wailed a little bit as wiped the tears from her eyes.
"Yes, yes. We are all very cruel," Richard responded as he handed Melissa a tissue for her tears.
Very touched by Richard's gesture, Melissa jumped on top of Richard and hugged him very tightly.
"I love you too," he said with a calm smile.



"You know you can't hide, Raymin," Alex said.
"I can if I want to," Raymin responded.
"…aren't you afraid of heights?" Alex asked, as he stared at the girl who was hanging onto the tree she instinctively climbed up for dear life.
"…SHUT UP!" she screamed.
"Calm down. You don't want to fall, do you?" Alex asked, with a calm expression worn on his face.
"LEAVE ME ALONE, ALEX. I AM PERFECTLY FINE," she shouted at the boy as she held on even tighter to the tree.
"…okay. I guess I'll leave you here…by yourself."
Silence was all the response Raymin could manage.
"…who knows? Maybe the poochyena will come back. With some mightyena, too. All to provide you with company," Alex nonchalantly added into his dying conversation with Raymin.
"…SAVE ME, ALEX!" Raymin cried very desperately.
Giving her a smile, Alex very calmly walked over to the trunk of the tree Raymin climbed up and opened up his arms. "Jump down."
Raymin was now teary-eyed and sniffling, but managed to nod her head.
"I'll catch you, okay?" Alex reassured.
"Un," she nodded again.
So she jumped down in a manner that seemed more like she was falling down, and Alex caught her in his arms—holding her like a bride.
"We're going to the day-care now, alright?" Alex told her.
"…un," she responded, already too exhausted from her terrifying morning to argue back.
"We're starting our journey today. You should be happy. Not upset," Alex said.
"…un," she responded, very obediently.
"So, calm down and greet everyone properly when we get there, okay?"
"…un." Raymin buried her head in Alex's shoulder and held onto him by wrapping her arms around his neck. She had a flustered expression on her face, and attempted to hide from Alex's gaze by doing this.
"It'll be okay. Professor Birch already dropped off our starter pokemon at the day-care. Captain Stern has gifted us with tickets that will take us to the Kanto region—like you wanted to go. The ship we are going on will be full of other trainers who are eager to travel—just like us. We'll have fun." As he felt Raymin's face touch his neck, he held her a little more tightly, as his way of saying he does not want to let her go. "I promise."

--;
Wow. That took a while! I'm sorry I never updated, but I've been busy with everything. The chapter didn't progress the way I wanted it to, but I had to get something posted (it's already been over a week!)
I'll have the next chapter to make up for it. I'm still trying to figure out a style that would be appropriate for this series (notice the subtle changes in writing, if you can, haha). Bear with me for the next few chapters or so as I try to figure it out. I promise the updates will only continue to come, and the story will most definitely progress!
Also, I'm planning to add drawings to the series! :) Just draft-like artwork (nothing fancy) to provide you guys with a better picture of everything. 
Anyways. I'll leave you with this, and hope you enjoy it. As always, comments are welcome! If you find corrections that should be made, please list. If it's a complaint about the style of writing, please let me reiterate that I'm still trying to figure that out.
Bye~ See you guys next time :)

"Seasons Change"

We could have been
the way winter
kisses spring
and makes a leap
towards summer
days.

Instead, we were
simple
autumn leaves
that didn't know
when
it was really
time
to leave.


--; February 11th, 2014
Have you ever felt like you had something great? Something wonderful, and you thought you would've lasted long with it? Instead, it never went as planned and it never went the way you thought it would or could. So, you were ultimately left with pieces of something that could've been magical, but didn't make the cut. And you don't really know what to do with that.

I call it looking at something way past its expiration date, and expecting it to still do what it was meant to do.
You hope, but sometimes, moments pass and it's a little too late to say it'll be okay.

"The Basis of Reason"

Part One, Simplicity

Alex,

            There is warmth in this world that we live in, but why does it exist? The sun, our source of heat and light, has protected us for so very long. Yet, when we gaze into the sky, why do we never think of the sun?

♪✦✩✦♫

            “Alex!” I heard someone call.

            Slowly, I turned around only to see that it was my friend Sarah. She had a glow in her face that could only mean one thing: something big was happening.

            “Jesus! Why are you still here? Aren’t you going to see the ceremony?” she asked me with such shock in her voice.

            I scratched my cheek with my index finger, not understanding any bit of what she was saying.

            “Alex! It’s the ceremony today! The one for the Sun!” she said, reminding me of something she thought should have been so obvious.

            “Are you sure it’s today?” I asked her.

            “Of course I’m sure! Why do you think this place is so deserted today? They’ve all gathered to the main hall in order to pay respects to the Sun,” Sarah told me.

            “Oh,” I said, simply unaffected.

            “Come on! I know how much you hate these ceremonies, but you can’t miss this one!” she said, quickly grabbing hold of my hand and dragging me along with her.

            I could have easily fought back and went my own way, but I’ve never been able to reject any of her requests. For as long as I can remember, she’s been the most precious one to me; these requests were much too easy to fulfill in order to see her smile.

♪✦✩✦♫

            “Isn’t this simply amazing?” Sarah asked, absolutely amazed.

            For a second, I was amazed as well. The houses were so luminous; it felt as though darkness never existed. “Where did they get all this energy from?”

            “Who knows?” she simply shrugged. None of these things ever seemed to matter to her.

            “It really makes you wonder…the luminous stars died eons ago,” I mumbled as I looked at the glistening lights that, for once, brightened our path to the main hall. Usually, the land we live in was consumed in darkness. We used to live very scared in the darkness until slowly, we created a source of light, but that light doesn’t last very long and is very dim.

            “I would like all of us to pay our respects to the new Sun!” the leader announced as we arrived.

            The crowd of people shrieked with excitement and clapped their hands so very excitingly.

            Slowly, a young man walked on the stage with a solemn face and stared at the crowd of people.

            “He’s so handsome,” Sarah commented. Her face was clearly blushing.

            I could only sigh as I whispered to myself, “So he’s the next victim, huh?”

            “Alex, pay attention! The ceremony’s going to start,” Sarah warned me as her elbow jabbed my armed.

            Obediently, I looked at the young man and bowed my head in his presence, as did everyone else in the crowd.

            “In the holiness of the stars that guide our fate, I pronounce you, Mathew Stevens, the new container of our Sun! Please step upon this throne and drink from the dew of the souls,” the leader said. His voice had a sense of authority and it was somewhat scary to me.

            As the young man did as he was told, the crowd of people slowly began to clap. “All hail our Sun!” the crowd shouted with glee.

            I did not join the crowd in encouraging the young man’s decision. It was a terrible fate to go through. I pitied him.

♪✦✩✦♫

            Have you ever experienced love? It’s a magical feeling that warms your soul and brightens your life.

            The sun loved the planets, especially Earth. Since we became the children of Earth, the sun cherished us as well. It gave us everything it wanted to give Earth: warmth and light.

            These two beings were so innocent with the love they held. They sheltered us, yet we betrayed them. We slowly destroyed Earth and when the sun could no longer offer us the same kind of light and warmth, we left. We found somewhere else to be, somewhere with warmth and light.

            The sun became angry though. Perhaps, it was angry at us. We had abandoned what loved us for our entire lives so easily, simply because they could not offer us something that we could benefit from.

            In desperation, the sun hugged Earth in its deathbed and held onto Earth forever. The sun didn’t want Earth to feel hurt or abandoned, so it held on until it died.

♪✦✩✦♫

            “I hate this part of the ceremony. It’s always cold beyond belief for four days,” I complained. As Sarah and I walked away from the main hall, the path to our house began to grow darker. We could almost no longer see where to head.

            “Well, four days for an entire year of warmth is a good trade to me,” she said.

            “I can’t believe that there are still people who are willing to sacrifice their lives to be the Sun,” I said, in complete disbelief. “What was wrong with that guy?”

            “It’s bad of us to speak ill of others, Alex,” Sarah reminded me.

            “Yea, yea. Whatever,” I said. I could’ve cared less. To me, they were all idiots. Who would ever give up their lives to save a bunch of ungrateful creatures? I know I wouldn’t.

            “They know what self sacrifice is. They have something they want to protect, I bet,” Sarah told me. She gave me a sad smile and I immediately felt a surge of an aching feeling in my chest.

            I paused in my tracks and looked at Sarah with apologetic eyes. She only looked up at the sky and sighed in regret. I could see the tears welling up in her eyes, and I felt as though something had stabbed me.

            “…I wish we could still see the stars,” she told me, in soft whispers.

            I turned my head to look at the sky only to be greeted with more darkness. No one would ever believe that it was only the afternoon. There was no a star available in the sky to greet us with warmth and light.

            “We’ll see them again, someday,” I told her. My hand slowly reached for hers and I held onto it. I couldn’t help but to pull her to a hug the moment I saw that the tears wouldn’t stop. “I promise we’ll see them again.” My arms wrapped around her body and I placed her face against my chest.

♪✦✩✦♫

            In the world we exist in now, there is no such thing as stars anymore. They don’t exist for us anymore. It seems as though they all disappeared without a trace.

            How are we to survive without warmth and light? We created them artificially. It’s not the real deal, so it’s never been everlasting or as perfect but it’s been as close as we could ever get.

            Light was created through a charge. It was simple. It was the easier one to make.

            Warmth…we could never create enough warmth to supply the needs of an entire population. One day, an idea was suggested. A long time ago, there was an object that could create matter that was millions of degrees. As the years went by, we managed to make it so that it would affect organisms and not kill them instantly. So, how did we substitute warmth? We used a human container to be our supplier. The human would undergo the ceremony and be locked away somewhere secluded until the day they die. There was too much radiation emitted from their bodies after the ceremony, so they could no longer coexist with us without harming anyone.

            I don’t understand why people would suddenly give up their lives just to help a bunch of others that they don’t know. Self sacrifice? There’s no one in this world that would ever do it simply out of the goodness of their hearts.

            There are those who are blinded in our world by the glory of the title of the Sun. Maybe they’ll chase it out of stupidity. Most of them, however, do it through blackmail and bribery.

♪✦✩✦♫

            “Hey, Alex, do you think we’ll live long enough to see the coming of Aquarius?” Sarah asked me.

            I looked at Sarah and shrugged my shoulders. “Who knows? We might.”

            “I hope so. I would really like to see it before I die,” she said, casually.

            Sarah was born in February and her star sign is Aquarius. She told me that she saw it with her Mom when she was younger, but I highly doubt it. The stars were probably long gone by that time.

            “Sarah, tell me about your home planet,” I said to her, changing the subject.

            Immediately, her eyes lit up and she started to tell me about her previous planet, Hades. I wasn’t really interested though, I had heard her story a million times already.

            As Sarah spoke, I stared at her and smiled. She seemed so happy. I would give anything to protect that warmth in her heart. Sarah’s Dad didn’t make it with her to Nike, the planet we exist in right now. When I first met Sarah, we were both orphans and ever since that meeting, we’ve become inseparable.

☽♪✦✩✦♫☾

Part Two, Indifference

Matthew,

            They all thought I was stupid for going through with this decision, but they don’t understand. My homeland was about to die soon and if I hadn’t done this, the leaders would have destroyed us. This was our trump card into survival, yet they still call me an idiot.

            My mother cried and begged me not to do it. I think it was the first time I had ever seen her so desperate. I couldn’t stop myself though, I felt as if it was my duty as the son of the founder. I was sorry to my mother; I would be leaving her alone. I was also sorry to Sapphire; I was leaving her even though I had promised her an eternity.

            I think the most difficult part about it all was standing in front of a crowd of people I didn’t know. I was giving up my life for the sake of my loved ones, yet none of my loved ones showed. Was it too painful to see me off? Or was it that they just didn’t want to be bothered with me anymore?

♪✦✩✦♫

            How can I describe the process that takes over four days?

            It’s agonizing. My body feels as though it’s been split from my mind so many times. I fell close to death very often, but I was always awakened seconds later only to be found alive. I was no longer glad to be alive. I was wishing for death to come sooner.

            Inside the cup that I drank from was a deadly liquid. The effects of it didn’t take place until after they confined me to this crystalline structure. I felt my head cry out in pain and my heart bleed out.

            When I awoke from the pain, I noticed red beams aimed at me. I didn’t understand what they were for, but I was already scared. I felt as though my doom was headed for me. My body was feeling numb and I was wondering why.

            “Hello, we will begin day two of the process now,” a voice said to me. I didn’t know where the voice came from, but it came.

            I looked around in panic and backed up to a corner.

            “That’s the perfect position. Stay there as I pinpoint the lasers to you,” the voice said.

            I was baffled. Was this joy in the person’s voice? Had it been amusing to see me screaming in pain when I was trapped in the crystalline structure for an entire day?

            “Okay, it begins,” the voice said, very eagerly.

            I heard the beams start up. I felt them stab my body with a piercing, scorching touch. I screamed. I didn’t know how anyone could have survived this in the past. I could only try to grip onto the life I had left as each beam of red light touched me. Red light…did it signify my death? I pictured myself bleeding out to death and I was slowly losing grip of my mentality.

            “Stage one is complete. We will begin stage two in an hour,” the voice told me.

            I gagged. It was horrible. The experience was ridiculously painful. I didn’t understand. Why? Why was I not dead yet?

            “If you’re worried about your life, don’t be too concerned. The liquid you drank was a special mixture of matter in our universe. It numbs feeling in your body to a degree and destroys the nerves that send warning signals to the heart. You can’t die in this process because of the liquid,” the voice explained to me.

            I wondered if the voice could see how I was doing. I wondered if the voice was happy that I was sacrificing myself. I wondered if the voice even cared.

            Slowly, the pain disappeared from my body and I felt relieved. Then, my relief died as quickly as it started when I heard the voice again.

            “We shall begin stage two now,” the voice said to me.

♪✦✩✦♫

            How do we treat those who are willing to sacrifice themselves for us? We congratulate them once and become ungrateful to them afterwards. When they die, we grieve once and quickly move on. It’s the never ending cycle of selfishness. It’s the selfishness that brought us into the state we’re in right now. It’s the reason why we can no longer see the stars. We never learn, though. We never ever learn.

☽♪✦✩✦♫☾

“Obscurity”

Sarah,

I looked up to the sky,

in hopes that I could be forgiven.

Forgiven for my mistakes,

for my selfishness

and my shallow heart.

But the sky was blank

with no stars there to forgive me.

I soon realized that

no matter where I stood

the stars would no longer stay

only to be hated again

and again.

I looked at my hands

and asked my heart

why it was so hard to accept

the fate thrust upon us.

It was unfortunate

but I think we just never

wished to admit

that we were at fault

for the mistakes we made.

We could only move

and act as though

we never created

the life we lived in.

I looked towards the future

until I realized

for us,

there was none.

--;

I wrote this two years ago for a Physics assignment. We were supposed to find an article about modern science and write a summary about, as well as creating a story around the article's main point.

What was my article about? Well, it had to do with a laser that was about to melt or create heat out of something melting (I'm sorry...it's been so long and I don't remember the specifics...).

I created this story to reflect the advancements in technology and how we don't realize all the things we end up destroying with the advancements and our lack of attention paid to the dangers. It's a story written in three parts because I was trying to create different voices with writing styles. I think I did rather well, which makes me happy, since it was first attempt at something new. The third part was made to be a poem, purposely, to show that poetry has a voice that screams loud in a few lines and words--the same as how prose can create stories with many details.

It's apparently one of my most popular stories among my friends, haha. So, hopefully, you guys like it too.

Prologue: A Little About The World

So, let's get to know a little bit about this world and its wonders. We have these special creatures, known as pokemon, whom accompany us on this journey through life. Pokemon are found all throughout the world--there's an overabundance of them (their numbers overpopulate the humans!).

How do our lives intertwine with the habits of these creatures? Well, for starters, they can be found fighting alongside us in what we call "battles". Trainers have the ability to command their pokemon comrades in a contest of ability and strength. There are special gyms placed throughout the various regions of the world that are regulated by special trainers. They are known as the Gym Leaders, and hundreds of thousands of aspiring Master Trainers come from far and wide just to challenge them to a battle in the hopes of earning a Gym Badge. Badges are collected in order to participate in an tournament known as the Pokemon League. You prove your abilities and try to outlast the competition for a chance at the gaining the title of Master Trainer of the season--and for a chance to battle the Elite Four, and Champion! 

Moving on slightly from that area of discussion, let me tell you how battles work! These creatures we call pokemon are special for their abilities. Some can breathe fire, others summon psychic abilities with a blink of an eye--while others are just incredibly strong! Take Machamp, for example: it's known as the superpower pokemon, and has to wear a special belt in order to contain its strength or else its muscles will just keep growing! Isn't that quite amazing?

Battles are regulated through two mechanics: the pokeball system and the PokeDex system. In order to make an official capture, trainers must register a pokeball with a pokemon. Those who are not registered by a pokeball, but follow a trainer anyways, are considered a friendly companion and not a battle companion. They are not allowed to partake in official battles, though battles for recreational purposes are perfectly okay. The PokeDex system is the backbone of the battling system. As all official battle companions are registered in their respective pokeballs, trainers must make an input of data in a PokeDex that is registered to them in order to battle others. This occurs by taking a scan of the pokeball and submitting a photo of the pokemon that will be registered with the specific pokeball, along with all the other details such as nicknames and everything else. PokeDexes are equipped with the latest data on all discovered species of pokemon, so a picture of your companion is really all you need to identify its species and powers.

When getting ready for a battle, all trainers must link up their PokeDexes to a computer that downloads the details of pokemon captures. Information such as pokemon levels, movesets, stats, and origins are all downloaded and made official so that there's no possibility of cheating. This download step is crucial because it helps to determine a pokemon's capabilities and health level, leading to calls of "battle over" when certain limits are reached and the pokemon must be called back. When a pokemon is considered at the limit, it is called "fainting" and that pokemon is no longer able to participate in battle until it receives treatment properly. Winners are determined by whoever is left standing (such as someone defeating another person's pokemon team, in its entirety).

Pokemon Centers are known as resting spots for trainers and their pokemon. Many major cities and towns have a Pokemon Center for trainers to lodge in for a fee. The fee paid handles their stay expenses (sleeping arrangements, breakfast, and pokemon care). Trainers are often found interacting in the various Pokemon Centers, and stocking up on items in the PokeMart section of the Center. 

Though I've talked a lot about the battling mechanics of this world, there are more than just trainer occupations that exist! For instance, there are Pokemon Professors who study pokemon. There are many professors in this world, all with their own fields of study. A famous one goes by the name of Professor Oak,  who was the developer of the original PokeDex that served as simply an encyclopedia of information. It was later transformed by Devon Co., making it into what is considered the backbone of pokemon battles. Devon Co. is run by Mr. Stone, who founded the company when it was very small and unknown.

There are also athletes in the world who compete with their pokemon companions in a contest of the fittest. Some participate in swimming competitions, while others are cyclists who travel the world.

I, for one, come from a long line of pokemon trainers and pokemon breeders! What are breeders, you ask? Well, breeders study the natures of pokemon and groom them to become the best of the best. Simply said, pokemon breeders raise pokemon. Most breeders run Day Cares for pokemon, like my family does. Others open up shops that sell pokemon food made from organic ingredients. 

There are even those who open up shops that sell berries and flowers for battles and treat-making. Two forms of popular pokemon treats are known as the PokeBlock and the Poffin. Berries are often used to condition pokemon towards perfection, so that they become suitable for Contests. Pokemon Contests aren't a competition of strength or anything of that sort, but of performance and charm. They are judged by famous breeders and tons of Coordinators travel the world to make it to different contests. Oh, and in case you didn't know, people who raise pokemon for Contests are known as Coordinators. My family has a few coordinators in the history--though not as many as trainers.

Now, let's move onto the actual pokemon world! I live in the Hoenn region, in the city of Mauville--home to the Electric gym leader, Wattson! There are many other regions in this world, such as the Kanto region (located west of Hoenn) which is connected to the Johto region. The Sinnoh region is further west of the Johto region. There are also the Unova and Kalos regions, but we'll get to those later on (they're really far away!). Currently, I am seventeen and getting ready to head out into the world for travels and discovery. This is my journey in the world with my friends. So follow me and come see what I see, my way!

--;
So I thought I'd throw some random facts here about the characters that will appear in the series~
The main character is named Raymin (and is a girl) who starts her journey around the pokemon world with her best friends, Alex and Kevin. All three of them are seventeen (just born different months).
A majority of the story will be written in third-person. I feel it is best for the story because I get to show the thoughts of different characters when I like :)
Alex is the son of a gym leader in Hoenn (no spoilers on who, yet), while Kevin the son of Professor Birch (though since I mentioned this, you can probably figure out who Alex's father is...Ruby/Sapphire/Emerald, anyone? Haha).
All three have been around pokemon all their lives and have a pretty good idea about what they want to do with the rest of their lives, so the story isn't about simple travels and small battles or challenges! It's about the age of adolescence in the world of pokemon and how you pass into adulthood. The three each started the journey for their owns reasons, but decided to start together in order to show their attachment to one another. (Childhood friends, after all).
Don't worry though, they won't be together the entire story (in fact, I'm having them split quite early).
I'm still iffy on the style of writing I want to use for the story. When I originally thought of the idea, it wasn't going to be a happy story (boy did I have a sinister mind for a ten year old child...), but I decided to add some humor into the series so I needed to change it up a bit.
My plan is to make it silly in a sense that you can relate, but also dark because we all have those dark moments still--especially while growing up.
Oh! They each get their own Hoenn starter (though it won't be the only pokemon with them). I'll try my best to walk you through the idea behind the battles and everything, as well as how gym leaders choose their pokemon for the challengers (think Pokemon Origins).
Also, it's most likely going to continue for a while because I was planning to have a different segment for each region visited (we are currently on six regions. I didn't include Kalos' actual location, because I honestly have no idea where it is). Props to http://www.bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Main_Page for being my wikipedia guide :) All general information about the pokemon world will come from this site (as a notice).
I hope you enjoy the journey with me!

021113: Updates!

I'm thinking about posting up chapters of a book I was dreaming about writing since the dawn of my life (lol).
What is it about? It's nothing other than...-drum roll- POKEMON!
Yes!
Pokemon!
LOL.
I remember all the fanfictions about animes and gaming franchises, and I have to say...it's been my dream to submit stories of my own creation revolving around the little creatures of awesomeness.
I always figured that if I ever got to putting the stories out in public, it'd be online (and for free), because of a copyright issue...and I still don't know how spin-off series works in terms of franchises...
But yeah.
That's my idea ^^;
So, look forward to a chapter of Pokemon! My Way every few days or so.

I'm also thinking of creating narrations and all that for manga series :D It'll keep me on the track of bettering my writing skills, without having to always have a new idea to write about and worry whether or not I should publicise it. Everything will be there for me--I just need to pretty it up a bit with words.
And on that note, I'll probably be posting up photoshop edits a lot more because of the narrations and stuff.

Haha. Well, that's all for now.
Talk to you guys later~

"Adorable Adolescence"

--;
This is something I colored in for my little sister.
Nothing much about it--but I love her very much~
:)

Credits,
Manga: Love Berrish by Haruta Nana

"Explosions"

--;
I colored this in a few weeks ago, and it made me really happy to see my photoshop skills improving--even after the long break from editing. 
I wrote a poem to accompany the edit and titled it "Explosions".

Credits,
Manga: Love Berrish by Haruta Nana

"The Diary of a Break-Up"

So it was over, and it was just like that.
I was okay. You were okay. We were okay.
Right?
The world still spun, round and round. The clouds were still there, all to accompany the sun in the blue sky. The stars still existed, and still shone brightly.
I was okay. You were okay. We were okay.
Right?

Wrong.
The world still spun, but my body wouldn’t function. The clouds still gave the sun and sky company, but I was alone. The stars still existed, but it was too dark for me to see.
I was not okay. You were not okay. We were not okay.

I still recall how it happened. I still recall what happened. I don’t know why, but in a blink of an eye, I felt everything stop. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t cry. I couldn’t scream.
Nothing. I could only manage to do nothing. Words kept flowing out of my mouth and I didn’t know why I couldn’t stop myself from talking. I wanted to argue so much with you and I didn’t understand why.
I wanted you to understand why. I wanted you to know why even if I didn’t know how to explain it. I wanted you to tell me everything I wanted you to say. I wanted you. I wanted you. I wanted you.
But it was over before I knew it, and I suddenly felt nothing inside my heart. It was as if emptiness was the only thing that could manage to ever accompany me.

When I got home, I rushed to my room and I stood there, doing nothing. Then, it was as if a plug had been pulled out and let loose all of the feelings I thought I got rid of. I breathed. I cried. I screamed.
I thought about you, and the memory of your smiles made me hate every part of my existence. I wanted you. I wanted you. I wanted you.
But wanting you meant that I would lose myself even more than I already have. I gave up everything for the sake of you. I gave up everything. Everything.
I thought about us and the ideas we had about our futures. I thought about everything that intertwined. I thought about how you said “I’ll change. I’ll make it work. I promise.”
I thought about us and I screamed so loudly. I wanted you. I wanted you beside me. I wanted you to wrap your arms around me and finally do the one thing I’ve always asked of you: just listen to me and hold me, because I’ve cried alone all my life and I just wanted someone with warmth and affection to be there when I cried now.

The more I thought about us, the more restless I grew. Why? Why? Why?
Everything in my room reminded me of you. I was instantly haunted by you without even trying to. Always. I hated everything. I hated everything. I hated everything.
I wanted to tear down the walls in my room. I wanted to rip apart everything. Every piece of paper you gave me. Every letter you ever wrote. Every apology you sent. I wanted to throw my phone outside my window. I wanted it to get run over by a billion cars. I wanted to stop being reminded of the fact that we could get back together.
I held onto my pillow and I crawled into a corner in my room. I sobbed and I kept trying to wipe away my tears. I saw the stuffed animals you bought me and I grew so angry. I wanted to rip everything apart. Every gift you ever got me. Every promise you ever told me. Every article of clothing I ever bought because you said I looked nice in them. I wanted to burn things down and watch the ghost of our love finally stop haunting me.

It wasn’t love. It was chaos. Our love was chaotic. How could we call it good?
Everything was in ruins. I told you good bye and I said to get out of my life. I saw the way you looked at me, as if I just told you to die. Why did death sound so sweet when it came to break ups? Why was it that my heart was soothed by the idea of never having to face you again, as opposed to moving on? 
I wanted to see you. I wanted to run to you. I wanted to call you. I wanted to tell you “I’m so sorry. Please. Can we work it out?” 
But I didn’t. I didn’t want to see you. I didn’t want to run to you. I didn’t want to call you.
I wanted you to come for me, because you never came for me. You left me stranded on a deserted island and always forced me to find my way back to the mainland. I just wanted you to tell me I was worth something all this time. I wanted to hear you say I was worth it. Worth the trouble. Worth the wait. Worth the pain.
But I didn’t.

How do I phrase this in a way that makes a little more sense? 
I loved you.
No, that’s not right.
I love you.
That’s right.
I still love you.
No. I’m not trying to toy with your emotions. I’m not trying to get your hopes up. I’m not trying to do anything other than let you know that I love you.
Love is important. It always matters. It’s a necessity in life, because humans are social creatures.
However, relationships don’t survive on love alone. They require work. They need compromise. Love is just a basis. I know that. That’s why I had been thinking about it. That’s why I told you “let’s break up.”
Because, we didn’t work. We buried everything under the rug. I was tired of bringing up the problems; you never seemed to want to bring them up.
I’m not a stupid little kid. I’m not silly. I’m logical. I’m realistic.
But, I thought about you again, and everything I put together shattered.
My heart broke apart and I screamed. I wanted to pull my hair out of my head. I wanted to break apart everything. My heart was hurting so much and I didn’t know how it was to stop it from hurting. I wanted you. I wanted you. I wanted you.
When was that ever going to be clear to you?!
But you kept breaking me down as if you meant to do it purposely, and I fell apart trying to make believe all the pain inflicted on my heart was just accidental.

I thought about me. I thought about you. I thought about us.
I saw a future we wanted. I saw a future we could have had. I saw a future that was impossible.

I didn’t want to blame you. I didn’t want to blame me. I just wanted us to end okay. I wanted us to be okay. I wanted a future where we would be okay. Together.
But I blamed you. And I blamed me. I let go of the future every time I found you breaking a promise, because I was at the breaking point. I couldn’t take it. I couldn’t handle it.
So I broke. I broke me. I broke you. I broke us.
I’m so sorry.

--;

I wrote this in dedication to my little sister, after she went through a big break-up with a boyfriend she loved very much.

I understood the feeling very well, even at the time--even though I was still dating someone. We were still going through rough patches and things weren't perfect; at times, we were on the edge of breaking up. Sometimes, I think it's a miracle we're still together--but I'm always happy that we are.

I think we experience this feeling a lot. We feel the pain of letting someone go. We feel the pain of being let go. We just feel, and we feel a lot--so much that it becomes difficult to understand and control. But that's okay. We're allowed the moment to freak out and lose control. We're allowed to do that. It's how we get through the rough patches in our lives: saying good-bye with screams and tears.

"SOS"

I shot an SOS signal
into the sky
because I wanted
a rescue.

The signal beamed
with bright lights
and reminded me of fireworks.

I thought about why
such a beautiful scene
was held by the hands
of a miserable thought.

But it was,
and it just was.
Like me—
I was.

I shot an SOS signal
towards where home would be,
thinking someone could
come and save
     me.

But the SOS signal failed
and all I heard was an applause.
People were clapping
for the display,
even though
I was dying.

I couldn't survive anymore
on this planet,
yet no one seemed
to want to take me home.

No one wanted
to take me back home.

--; February 1st, 2014

I remember feeling helpless and alone when I wrote this poem. I felt like no matter how many times I'd scream, no one would hear me. People wouldn't pay attention and I was definitely alone--left alone to feel like this. Although I know it's not true and that I have people who love and cherish me, I couldn't help feeling that way when I was so distraught.
It felt like I was more distraught than anything else lately. I couldn't do anything how I felt, and I couldn't figure out what was wrong. For the first time in my life, I had no idea where I was going or what I was doing. I was so lost, and to be honest, I still probably am even though I don't feel it as much right now.

"Droughts"

I was waiting for your love to hit me

like warm rays of sunshine on a summer day.

How silly was I?

I was waiting for your love to hit me

even though I knew you could never give me light.

I knew—oh, I knew.

That didn’t stop me from hoping, though.

It is many summers later,

and I still wait for your love to hit me

like warm rays of sunshine after a long period of rain.

I’m a little silly,

that I know for sure,

but I cannot convince myself otherwise

to believe you were not worth waiting for.

--; August 7th, 2013

Do you remember that feeling of falling in love with someone whom you thought would never return your affections? Or at least, someone who would never return them in the right manner--the way you want them to.

It's the silly thing about love: how it just strikes with no regard to how you are or what you really want. You sort of love and that's the end of that. You can't force yourself to fall in love with someone, and if you have, I imagine it wasn't exactly carefree or fun. Of course things happen, like they always do. Love happens, like it always will. It'll strike when you don't expect it to, and it'll leave you with all these feelings you can't even begin to explain. You'll feel like a wreck and you'll feel like the luckiest person alive. All. At. The. Same. Time.

I wrote this a while back when my relationship was on the rocks. A lot of things had gone wrong and I didn't exactly know how to set them right, or what would make things right again. All I knew was that I spent over a year with him, and so much love couldn't just fade away with mistakes--no matter how big of a mistake they were. So, we spent the months following trying to work it all out. I wanted it to work, and though a lot of people thought it was sort of time to let go (even me, from time to time), we held on and tried to make the most of the mistakes and the time we had. Because, we still loved each other, and whatever shortcomings there were on either side, we were determined to work out. 

Love is sort of crazy and unbelievable. But, I've loved him for twenty months now, and I'd like to believe that I'll love him twenty years later and then some.

"A Quest for the Impossible"

I wandered into a forest
and searched for spirits
of all kinds.
I wanted to make an exchange
with a witch
or a fairy
for happiness.

But the witch I found ignored my pleas
and said "happiness is not something I can guarantee",
even though I offered my years
on a plate
for her to swallow and eat.

I found a much kinder fairy
with mischief in his eyes
who kissed me and said,
"I'll take your life, but happiness is still
without guarantee
from me."

--; February 1st, 2014.

This poem was inspired by the idea that happiness isn't something you can really buy in this world. Sometimes, if you are not happy...it simply means that you aren't happy, and that's it. You just have to try your best to get through the sadness and hope for a bright sky the next day--and hope that the bright sky will be enough to make you smile with all your heart.
However, even if it doesn't, it's okay. You should be allowed to take your time. You don't owe it to anyone to be okay, so you should never feel pressured to have to be okay. You just need to be yourself--whether yourself is represented by a few tears or a lot of laughter in that moment.
Don't rush it. Don't force it. You have the whole rest of your life ahead of you.