Just A Bit

I stared at the clock. Three hands moved, all attached at the center, yet they seemed to go nowhere. In my eyes, the second hand had continuously been moving back and forth. Every time I looked up to check the time, I could only find myself wondering if time had really frozen. My eyes hurt, and I couldn’t take it anymore. The silence, the emptiness: these were things I wished I’d never have to face.
Her face kept appearing in my head, as though my mind would refuse to let her leave.  When did my own mind come to haunt me so much? When I placed my head down to close my eyes, the first thing I would see in the darkness was her face. She was smiling, but I knew that smile was a lie. She was crying right now. My mind wanted to comfort me, but no such result occurred. Guilt and anguish overflowed in my heart and I wanted to run to her to tell her how sorry I was. The thing is though, I can’t. I can’t face her, or her pained eyes. She was hurt, and I had hurt her. More than anything, I wish I could take the pain away, but if I had wanted to do that, I never should’ve brought the pain to her in the first place.
I stared at the clock, and for a moment, I felt relief because, at last, the second hand had left the place it had been stuck at for hours. The relief quickly disappeared, however, and the second hand came to freeze this time around. I was left in an infinite loop of wondering why it would not move. Had I been going insane? Is this what guilt does to a person?
Suddenly, there was a knock on my door. I stared at the clock one more time, and it seemed to have finally begun to move normally. The second hand kept going in a circular motion, making the minute hand move after it and the hour hand after that. There was another knock on my door, and I realized it was the knocking that drew me back into reality.
As I opened the door, I saw her face again. Her eyes were bloodshot, and her lips were pale. She looked up at me and gave me a small smile, almost as though to tell me that I was forgiven.
There was a silence between us, and I could have never been happier to see her angelic face. The face with the beautiful brown eyes that seemed to gleam brighter than the sun. The eyes that were always hidden under her cherry blossom scented black hair. She was the definition of heaven in my eyes, with feathers gracing her path every step she took.
"…can I come in?" she asked me, with a quiet voice filled with tension.
I looked around confused for a moment, until I finally noticed that we were still standing at my doorway. Quickly, I moved out of the way and opened the door for her to walk in. As she walked past me, I could help but to find myself searching for her scent. It must have been the oddest thing for me to start longing for, but I had missed her and the warmth of her skin pressed upon mine.
By the time I turned around, she was already seated on the sofa of mine. Her hands were on her lap and she looked around my living room.
"Is anyone else home today?" she asked me, with much nervousness.
It took me a while to find my voice, but I managed to say, “oh, uh…no. No one is home today.”
I suddenly noticed an error in my response, and quickly, I panicked to make up for it. “I-I mean, I’m home but no one else is.”
Her right eyebrow raised and she managed a smile on her face. I made her smile.
"You’re being so silly, Erik," she giggled. The sound of her happiness could only be described as soft music to my ears.
I suppose the way I say all of these things make me seem a little insane, but it’s how I hear them. She was my angel, the one who glowed with light everywhere she went.
"I’m…I’m just a little nervous," I told her. I found myself scratching the back of my head, and taking every chance to avoid her eyes.
A few seconds passed and there was silence again. I was standing a few feet away from her, standing like an idiot, trying my best not to stare at her. Eventually, she was the one who wound up approaching me. Her footsteps were lighter than air, almost making it look as though she were floating. Angels are too precious to touch ground, so I suppose that would make sense.
"Erik…," she began. She was now standing in front of me, well past the limits of personal space, but I did not mind. I was happy that she stood in front of me. Her brown eyes seemed to glow even though there was no source of light in my living room on.
I was silent, like an idiot once more.
"Erik…," she repeated. Her brown eyes stared into mine, and I felt a shudder. I couldn’t help myself as I found my gaze wander from her eyes and down to her lips. Her lips looked soft, and I could smell her at last. Her sweet aroma surrounded me and I was immediately lost in the moment.
"…I wanted to tell you something, Erik…," she continued. Her lips creatively shaped every word spoken, and I wanted to kiss them. I wanted to wrap my arms around her waist, pulling her closer to me, and I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to make her feel breathless, and I wanted her to understand my feelings. But, that was something I could not do. Those were actions that made her cry, and caused her to run out. They scared her, so I could not do that. I couldn’t make her be afraid anymore. I distracted my mind from thinking of her even though she stood in front of me. Her small frame never made my eyes want to turn away, but I had to. I had to focus just on her eyes, and make myself not see the glow.
"…what is it, Silver?" I finally responded.
She looked at me with worried eyes, and bit her lips. I became entranced once more from the sight of her expression. She was absolutely adorable, and it became harder to resist the temptation. But, I had to resist. She did not love me, not yet, and my impulsive feelings made her run, scared.
I felt a stinging pain in my chest as I thought those words. She did not love me. The girl I have loved for so long has found herself unable to reciprocate my feelings, not to the same extent. “Not yet,” she’d always say to me, “but soon.” I’ve been waiting for the day that “soon” would finally arrive. My hope vanished like a breeze of wind, coming in for a moment, giving me the relief and pleasure before disappearing and leaving me longing for it even more.
"—you," she said.
I broke out from my thought and realized I didn’t hear what she had said. When my eyes focused on her face once more, I noticed her pale complexion gaining a little bit of pink. She was blushing, and I did not understand why.
"…what?" I said, automatically intrigued by her expression.
Silver bit her bottom lip once again, and her eyes looked up at me. She opened her mouth for a moment, and I felt the breeze of wind again. Her lips formed shapes and I could not make word of the sounds she made. I didn’t understand why. I didn’t understand how it could have been.
When did this happen?

--; September 6th, 2012
YES. IT'S RECIPROCATED LOVE. YES. IT IS. SEE? I'M NOT ALL THAT CRUEL. I give my characters happy moments...every now and again...
For those who haven't noticed, I really like writing in the perspective of a male character (don't ask why—I don't know).
But yeah...this is real old. Haha.
Also, I have no idea where the title came from...this was originally a story I wrote to replace a journal entry and I used this title to show that I was going back into writing "just a bit". Yup.
But I guess you can also use it to show that she was reciprocating his feelings..."just a bit".
Hahaha. My boyfriend would have a field day with this commentary. He loves the whole saying the title of a story in a story (though this isn't technically the inside of the story).